Sometimes.

I've been asked many times, "Why Cheryl? Why the heck are you all so sunshine and happy all the time?" To that I give a simple answer saying, its because, I'm content. But that doesn't mean that I don't have the right to feel emotional and sad. Because. I DO.

"But that's soooo not you!" SO WHAT?! I'm afterall human being aren't I?

Its tiring. Its tiring to cheer when you're not the least bit cheery. Its tiring to strike up the conversation all the time. Its tiring to think of the continuous topics to make the conversation last. Scientists have found that in a given group, every 19mins of chatter will end with a pause of silence before someone starts off again. But why do I always have to be that one?

Sometimes, I just want to be the one that listens. The one that smiles and laughs at your days. I'm just tired of telling. So tired of speaking. I want to listen. But all I hear are blank pauses of silence as if that 19 mins have already been used up. Its like a monologue with "ohs and Hahas" as fillers and moments of interaction.

But really, some initiation would just be nice. just SOMETIMES.

Don't get me wrong. Its not that I'm unhappy talking. I'm not angry, its just frustration I need to get out. PMS makes me an idiot, especially when the stomach hurts like a B****.

Another 28 days to my security blanket. I'm not dying to get out. But I'm not dying to stay either. Just this weekend before the mayhem begins....


P.S. I feel like taking away the tagboard. Somehow, comments make me happier. I feel heard.